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Jul. 2nd, 2010


do you get over your ex-boyfriend? :/
I still want him back, and saying remotely ANYTHING to him,
would probably come off as creepy.
I mean, it's been, what? Over a month, now?
I don't know. He was the best I ever had.
I'd do anything to have him as mine again. :(

Too bad I'm moving to Florida in four days.
And I highly doubt he has the slightest clue that I'm leaving because of how depressed I am. I'm only using my "g.e.d." as an excuse.
I could honestly care less about my g.e.d. :/
Time to...start my new life in the south, I guess.

4days, and counting.

Jun. 8th, 2010

Well, words cannot explain..

How sad I've been for the past week.
I'm going home soon,
and he still wants to go to Warped Tour together.
But since we broke up, I feel like I'm gonna be so sad around him.
Honestly, I've only eaten once in the past 5 days.
This depression fuckin hurts,
and I hate the fact that I can't sign my texts at night
with "I love you" to him, anymore.

I just wish...
I mean, if I could have ONE THING,
it would be for Curtis to forgive me,
and give me one more chance.

I love him so much, it hurts.
And I hate crying every night.

I want my cutie back. :(


May. 28th, 2010

i hate people.

i really want to know
what dumb bitches are fuckin lying to my boyfriend
and saying im adding them,
and asking a bunch of questions about him.

this is one of the many ways relationships could fail,
by fuckin lying pieces of shits that try to start shit,
so im coming off as not trusting him.


the last thing i need is for my boyfriend,
who im absolutely crazy in love with,
to think that I don't trust him, when I do.

its amazing on how people will go out of thier way, to LIE.
this is why i hate a lot of people. :)

ahahaha, i woke up in a bad mood.
even though my boyfriend n i already talked this through,
and reassure that they BS'd.

but if/when i find out who the hell is sayin that bullshit,
i won't go easy on them. some people call me a bitch for a reason.
and i think everyone's well aware that i have a short temper.

May. 24th, 2010


Happy 3 Month-aversary, Cutie<3


May. 22nd, 2010

Highlight of our trip to San Francisco.

Lindsey threw her soda at some fugly ass mexican chick.

:) Goodnight.


I had a horrible dream last night.
I dreamt that my truely eveil step-father had murdered my mother.
Which caused me to wake up, crying a little.
I probably have a normal relationship with my mom, as any other teenage girl.
I give her attitude, she gives it back. And yet, I still love her.
What a shitty night. I like good dreams. Not morbid ones.

ANYWAY, I guess I'm going to Haight Street with Lindsey & Courtney soon. Although, I kinda more want to go to the wharf. I don't know why, but I kinda prefer to be by the water and entertainment, than Hippie Hill.

I can't smoke pot anymore anyway.
Being as that I am almost 3 months pregnant.
ahhh. The good life. Oh well. At least I'm spending the day with my friends.


P.S. I'm missing FanimeCon this year, AND prom.
I would be graduating this year, if I hadn't dropped out three years ago.
I regret making stupid decisions.

May. 21st, 2010

Due to the fact..

that I don't live with my parents anymore,
and my every move isn't monitored on the family computer anymore,
I think I'm going to go back to TRYING to update my live journal,
at least once a month.

So let's see... What has happened since my last journal update?

Well, for starters, I got a new boyfriend.
His name is Curtis Ray Upchurch. He's seriously, so far, the best I have ever dated. Thinking back to all the guys I've dated in the past, I'm somewhat beating myself up over the fact that I wasted all that time on such assholes in my life. Especially Mark Hurtado & Dean Santos.

Curtis is unbelievably sweet to me. He's always there for me, every step of the way, and his family likes me. With the acception of his mother, whom I'm yet to get on good terms with, because of a stupid incident that happened a couple of weeks ago. Ha. Anyway..
He has the cutest little family (his family is actually pretty big..and super close, which is sparking my uber jealousy, at the moment.)
I've always wanted a close family.
I mean, I used to have that, back before my mom and dad got divorced in 1997.
We'd all get together for holidays, birthdays, or just random dinners and trips. And I mean our WHOLE family. My mom's side. My dad's side. Some of my cousins from Costa Rica, Canada, & the deep-deep south, etc. But I guess that's what happens when family breaks up. So, seeing Curtis' family...it makes me both smile and a little sad at the same time. However, Curtis tries to get me involved in his family, as much as he can. And it makes me so happy. <3 He also thEE cutest aunt I have ever seen. I keep forgetting her name, but she's very talkative, and super sweet.

But a little more about my boyfriend: He's 19 years old, pushing 6 foot, and part Japanese. THAT PART is what makes me smile. If you know me, and yes, I'm not proud to say this, I used to be somewhat "racist" to asians, in general. He had told me he had lived in Hawaii, and being the stupid gullible me, I assumed he was hawaiian. (Which, he does have hawaiian in him, I just thought he was full on..). The fact that I was starting to fall for him, before I knew his full ethnicity was surprising. And when I found out, yes it was surprising. But I didn't care. He could've been black, for all I care. (Haha, that sounds bad. And NO. I'm not racist to blacks. :P) How about I word this correctly, before someone takes it the wrong way? He could be any race, for all I care. He kind of made me not-racist anymore. Hahah. Seriously, though. He's probably the most caring, sweetest boyfriend I could have ever asked for.

Funny enough, we met on myspace, and became friends that way..
We talked for a little, and soon enough, found out that we only lived a few short blocks from eachother, in Campbell. Shortly after, we started dating, only because of immediate attraction and similarities/differences. His peronality definitely got me. It was definitely his charm, and his weird sense of humour. So yea, he IS weird, :) But when have I ever dated someone "normal"? I like that about him. Especially that he doesn't give a flying rat's ass about what people think of him. I have to say, the past 3 months, have been amazing, thanks to Curtis Upchurch.

I moved out of my parent's house.
Only because I got kicked out, technically.
We were planning to move to Nevada, when my step dad walks in my room, during one of his rages, and says "Just so you know, before we leave, take your piercings out, and dye your hair one colour."

Automatically, my response was "No?"
I refuse to change for anyone. I did stupid things, and changed myself for my ex boyfriend and almost lost my friends' trust because of it. I looked the way I did because it was how I wanted to world to view me. No, not as a freak, but as someone who couldn't give a fuck about what her parents said to try to conivince me that I WAS a freak. But then again, welcome to CALIFORNIA. I lived here a good portion of my life, so not only was I going to change my appearance so my step dad and mother wouldn't be embarrassed of me, I definitely didn't want to leave my friends behind. Nor my boyfriend.

His response to mine was "it's either you do so, or you're on the streets."
Now, why would he give me that option? Haha. Knowing that OF COURSE I'd pick the streets over them, any day. My friends > My family. My friends = My family. Luckily Lindsey was there for me, to put a roof over my head. Unfortunately, I have to go to Reno, in order to get any ID, (cuz my mom is forking over a bit of cash for everything, THINKING that it'll make me change my mind and stay. Ha. Nope.). So next week, I'll be in nevada, so I can come back, get a job, and help Lindsey with rent & food. Being "out there" isn't easy, especially that I'm not DOING IT RIGHT.

Danielle is on her way.
So I best be getting ready.
Have a good day journalists.


Jan. 1st, 2010

Happy New Year?

Because I'm too lazy to type a whole page...

Nov. 3rd, 2009

Rest In Peace RonBon.

I met Ronnie Macdowell three years ago,
at one of the San Jose venues MACLA, during my friend's show.
First words out of his mouth to me were "Hi, I'm Ronnie...wanna toke?"

He passed away on October 29th, after a traggic car accident,
as a result of street racing.

Super friendly boy, who had many many friends.
I'm not sure if there were actually people who disliked him.
I'm not saying I was best friends with him.
We didn't chill everyday, since I'm rarely in San Jose.
The only times I did chill with him, was when I'd randomly run into him at shows.
(which was pretty fuckin often, since I used to be obsessed with going to shows in the 408)
So this is, in no way, a note to make people feel bad for me.

This is pretty much, I guess you could say, sort of a dedicated, loving note about him, in general.
I lost him as a friend. Hella people lost him as a friend.
As a best friend. As a "brother", through a friend's eyes.
As a family member. As a boyfriend. Words cannot explain the shock n pain we all have endured,
with the news of Ronnie's death. Not to mention, another 408 kid, Andrew Sinclair (a friend of Ronnie's)
who is currently in a coma from the same incident.

Ronnie was a sweet boy.
Very talented on the drums.
(get a taste; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKQa5lwl5qg )
Very friendly.
Every time I saw him, he seemed to always have a big smile on his face,
from just being with his friends.

Now he's in heaven. A safer, more beautiful place.
Show 'em whatcha got Ronnie. <3

Rest In Peace Ronald MacDowell. (October 29th, 2009)
You will be forever missed. And loved.